The hardest thing so far
People often ask me how I can manage with you as a single woman.
Sometimes they’re wondering about the logistics of shopping, cleaning, etc. without an extra pair of helping hands. Our neighbors Heidi and Nick told me just yesterday that sometimes it’s all they can do to keep up with Dylan (who is just 5 weeks older than you) for just one evening when one of them is sick or out of town. While I admit that it’s been a challenge to come up with a routine and stay organized (just ask Grandma and Grandpa about all of the different things I’ve tried!), you’re a very forgiving baby and I just keep trying new ways of getting things done. The Moby wrap and a lightweight stroller have been helpful for shopping, and I tackle things in the house one step at a time… and often just leave them dirty!
Sometimes the people who ask are wondering about how I manage financially. Staying home with their children isn’t something many of our married friends can do, let alone the single ones. But I promised myself that if I was lucky enough to have you, I would find a way to stay home with you. I had a long time to work on my career, and right now you’re the most important thing in the world to me and I’ll do anything to stay home. That has meant everything from giving up my job as a lecturer at the University of Florida (even before I was pregnant with you!), to finding creative ways to save money… like making your baby food and hanging the laundry to dry. Fortunately, two of the values I hope to instill in you are an environmental awareness and an anti-consumption streak, so being thrifty works well on all fronts!
But do you know what the hardest thing about raising you as a single woman is? Not having someone here to share you with. When you got your thumb into your mouth for the first time (after trying for a month!) I whooped with joy and called Grandma and Grandpa to celebrate. When you tried your first solids, we had Grandma and Grandpa on Skype cheering you on. In fact, I’ve been on the phone or Skype with them almost daily since you were born, and they’ve spent many weeks here already enjoying the little daily moments with you. But eventually they go home, and then it’s just the two of us again, and I don’t have someone here to share your every triumph with in person. Of course our friends get excited and lots of people have given us tons of encouragement on the phone, online and in person. In the end, though, I am your greatest cheerleader and always will be. I just wish I had someone to rehash the day with after you go to sleep at night. Maybe that’s ultimately why I wanted to write this blog, to have a way to communicate all of the thoughts I have during the day, but can’t always share.
And so the hardest thing about raising you as a single woman is the knowledge that, until you’re older and can remember events in our life together for yourself, I am the only person in the world who will ever know what you were like on a daily basis during these first months and years of your life. It’s an awesome responsibility and one I take very seriously. I promise to try and remember as much as I can, and to write as much as possible down, so that I can share the story of your early life with you when you’re older. In the meantime, this blog and all of the other records I’m keeping, will have to be my companion.
